yourcoaching.co.uk

Too many Aspirations

2012-02-07T15:29:00.000Z

Do we aspire to too much?

Twenty or thirty years ago we didn't have so much to yearn for, we were more contented with what we had. Now we have so much choice, so many options, how can we know when to stop wanting? It's worth noting that we are prone to set goals, then when we reach them we pick up the goal posts we've set and run with them to a new point, without marking the achievement.

One option then to sort out this business of 'over-aspiring' - get some personal coaching!

And some other options:

Celebrate every goal you achieve in a recognisable manner and take time before setting new goals.
Surround yourself with the kind of people you need to support you in your journey towards a goal. The more people you involve in your aspirations who are going to be there for you, the more recognition of your success you will have once you get there.
Do some work on identifying what it is you REALLY want to achieve in your life. Getting a pay rise might buy you a flashier car, it might buy you more free time, it might buy you status...what did you want it to buy you? Work that out and you might find out your true aspirations.
Be optimistic but realistic about your aspirations. Don't stop dreaming, just be aware of where you are on your path to them.

"The true worth of a man is to be measured by the objects he pursues"

Marcus Aurelius

Toughing it Out Gently

2012-01-25T14:45:00.000Z

Last year we were told by a piece of NatCen research that we are taking more responsibility for our lives. Today we are told that Britain has an 'integrity crisis' as we (especially the young) are less honest than we were 10 years ago.

To what do we owe this emerging 'dishonestly self-reliant' behaviour? How do these two facets merge? The NatCen study inferred that we are becoming more self-reliant as a result of struggling with the recession and financial difficulties, feeling less able to trust those who make decisions for us i.e. the Government. The author of the University of Essex study suggested that we were becoming more dishonest because we have poor role models. Who are we talking about here? Celebrities, footballers, politicians?

In any time of difficulty there is a tendency to build defences, to self-protect, to question and mistrust. But there is also a welcome tendency amongst some of us towards selflessness and the general good, echo those who came out and joined together after the summer riots last year to clean up their neighbourhoods.

Whatever your lines of morality are about whether to keep the overpayment you receive from the shop cashier (does it depend on whether it is an independent or a chain?), keeping a perspective on how your actions affect others might be the issue. Contextually it might make no sense at all to be rigidly honest and 'good' if someone is going to be hurt or damaged. Mavis Cheek's heroine Nina Porter in her book 'Truth to Tell' comes a cropper with the truth. On the other hand, truth and honesty are the basis of trust and that is what we need to feel sure of when we are battling adversity. It seems this whole business about self-reliance and honesty is more about being understanding of others and how what we do affects them, as 'they' are our society and what happens to them affects us. And sometimes we need to be able to trust those we don't know particularly well.

So..easy solution. Roll up all you celebs and footballers and politicians and famous folk and dust down your behaviours and be seen to care about real stuff that matters! Show us you've got the right perspective and can add some social capital gloss! After all, it's evident we can't seem to run our own lives without you!

Being 'nice' AGAIN...

2011-12-05T19:51:00.000Z

It's official (again). Being nice and agreeable doesn't pay. We've been told that 'agreeable' people on average earn less promotions and pay-rises than disagreeable people. A year ago I blogged about Martin Kihn's "I got Rich and Happy by Not Giving a S*** About You'. Seems nothing's changed....

No, no, no! We are not taking that sitting down. It isn't 'niceness', it's how good you are at putting your case or fighting for your promotion/pay rise/right to reply etc. So it's really about being STRONG. Heed that!

Faithfulness in a recession

2011-11-08T14:56:00.000Z

Omar Gilith at the University of Kansas says that men seek more mates in a threatening environment just in case they need to keep their options open in a biological drive for survival.

Helen Fisher said that women's excellent 'web thinking' developed in response to our female ancestors having to contend with a myriad of threats while rearing children in a dangerous environment.

So which would you rather have to cope with in a recession, your philandering man telling you he is playing away for survival or your multi-tasking lady telling you that she is protecting her offspring? (Oh, and by the way apparently women are better able to tolerate ambiguity....)

Get some balance in your life!

What now the youth of today?

2011-10-17T19:00:00.000+01:00

Dame Joan Bakewell says Sunday School will do it, learned professors say improving the standard of children's handwriting lessons at school would help, and other erudite professionals say the blame lies with too much digital technology time.....make our children better people, that is.

It seems we overindulge our kids, we don't spend enough quality time with them, don't instil a proper sense of discipline in them and we don't teach them respect. Woe is the lot of the modern parent! On the one hand we need to be like the ChineseTiger Mother Any Chua, on the other we should be like Laura Skenazy with her free range parenting. Make your choice, and attend to George Bernard Shaw's dictum -

Parentage is a very important profession, but no test of fitness for it is ever imposed in the interest of the children.

Dignified work

2011-09-05T10:06:00.000+01:00

Today is Labor Day in the US (note US spelling) which celebrates the contribution of workers socially and economically and "the strength and esprit de corps of the trade and labor organisations" - (US Department of Labor).

And how about across the waters in the UK? How are we celebrating our workers?

After 3 years of trying to recruit for her textile factory Deborah Meadon highlighted the image problem around manual work -"It is about people not being interested in manual work. At 16 or 17 people are still thinking about what is cool..." Certainly the vocational training option in schools has attracted a second tier image over the Aladdin's cave of academic subjects leading to university, even though the latter no longer guarantees employment. In 2009 the Crafts Council audit revealed a severe skills shortage in the UK.

The value we give to vocational learning, 'blue collar' work, skilled craftmanship and manual labour, dictates how we perceive the virtue of ability and skills and informs our relationship with the material world. We've become so used to the convenience and immediate accessibility of everything we need or want, we've forgotton how to 'do' for ourselves.we've become passive and dependent.

Maybe if we put more value on the vocational and manual tasks necessary to our lives, we might not find it so difficult to recruit for essential jobs, young people would have the ability to make real choices about their careers developing their own true potential rather than pursuing a course dicated by the 'shoulds' of others, and we might have a better appreciation and respect of the material assets we so constantly strive to accumulate.

Holby city star Jeremy Edwards hit the headlines when helping a friend in his landscape gardening business - "I really don't see the shame in manaual labour". What a shame he had to say that.

For more about helping young people find the right paths, click here.

Opportunism or Altruism?

2011-08-21T12:42:00.000+01:00

If you found yourself present at a disaster, say a plane crash or the recent riots, what would you instinctively do? Pull out your mobile to film it? Help yourself to some casual looting because everyone else was? Or would you call the emergency services, rush to stop the looting, help those in need?

At the core opportunism is about self interest and making situations work for you, often by taking advantage of others. "One man's opportunism is another man's statesmanship" said Milton Friedman. Ken Livingstone was accused of political opportunism by blaming the riots on a growing social divide created by the Government's spending cuts.

It's very sad to think that we are living in a world where opportunism rules human behaviour. Let's rather look at the examples of intrinsically altruistic behaviour exhibited by such actions as the organised post-riot clean-ups, the Tunisians welcoming the fleeing Libyans into their homes in April, the German roofer Marcel Gleffe who jumped in his boat to help rescue the young people on Utoya.

One interesting thought advocated by researchers is that opportunism diminishes when individuals are part of an organisation with a shared purpose.

SO...We are as smart as we are going to get?

2011-08-01T10:57:00.000+01:00

It appears that we, we being us humans, may not get any cleverer. Recent research suggests that now we have pretty much optimum brain connections and any more increase in brain power from building new connections would require a massive energy consumption. This energy requirement therefore limits the performance and design of our brains. This makes for good discussions on intelligence!

BENEVOLENT SEXISM

2011-06-16T15:30:00.000+01:00

What is this?

Radio 4 PM programme yesterday referred to research about how when men open doors or give up their seat for women they are indulging in benevolent sexism which is a form of domination by the implication that women are somehow less able or vulnerable.

What do you think?

Uncertainty in the Workplace

2011-06-09T15:52:00.000+01:00

We are working in uncertain and changing times. Where once we had longer careers, security of tenure and a culture of entitlement, in the current economic downturn we are seeing more redundancies, lower salaries and benefits and higher living costs. On the one hand employees can feel isolated, insecure and draw into themselves and on the other, employers are battling with employee retention while streamlining in order to remain productive and profitable.

Uncertainty has the power to trigger fear, defensiveness, lack of self-worth, stress and anxiety, relationship issues, and to adversely affect efficiency and productivity. Managing and recognising the journey of uncertainty, its emotional content and how to 'sit' with it can help us to identify measures to reduce its negative impact for employers and employees, turning it from a potentially destructive force into an opportunity.

Isla will be speaking on this theme at the next Mindful Employer Network meeting on July 14th at Thring Townsend in Swindon. Also at the event Jonathan Naess and Anna Kavanagh from Stand to Reason will be looking at the role of line managers on mental health in the workplace.

And if you want to explore how to deal with uncertainty in the workplace do get in touch with us.

Getting it straight on the Regional Growth Fund

2011-05-08T13:46:00.001+01:00

The High Growth Solutions for Business Scheme provides valuable practical coaching support for growing businesses but what about getting the funding right?

The Regional Growth Fund is plugging some of the hole previously filled by the regeneration expenditure offered through the now defunct Regional Development Agencies. This £1.4bn fund operating across England from 2011 to 2014 is targeted at supporting projects and programmes that lever private sector investment, create economic growth and pursue a policy of sustainable employment. One of the main aims is make the transition from public sector to private sector led support easier.

The scheme is expected to create over 27,000 jobs with a further 100,000 jobs developing from associated supply chains and local economies.

The first round of bids is now completed and successful bidders for the £450m in this round include a proposal from General Motors to produce the next generation Vivaro van, the construction of a manufacturing plant in Teeside to develop packaging resins and a Manchester hospital development from former eye hospital to centre of excellence. Bids for the second round are invited from businesses with plans for growth and job creation.

In April Nick Clegg said “Today is a step towards rebalancing our economy away from an unhealthy overreliance on a small number of industries and a few areas. We need to spread opportunity across the whole country, drawing on our many talents.”

However John Denham, the Shadow business secretary gave a different perspective with some interesting figures “Cutting funding for regional growth by two-thirds, the Tory-led government is choking off the funding needed for regions to grow and create the jobs our economy needs. The government is allocating £1.4bn over three years to projects, two-thirds less than the £1.4bn a year Labour were investing through the regional development agencies alone".

Just so we have our facts straight, if the RGF of £450m delivers 127,000 additional jobs that suggests a cost per job ‘created’ by the government of just over £3,500. Again according to John Denham, the 464 projects submitted for bidding in the first roun£450m funding were worth £2.78bn.

A lot of businesses looking for a lot of money.

How to handle Glass Cliffs

2011-03-02T10:49:00.000Z

At present only 12% of FTSE 100 company directors are women. Lord Davies of Abersoch is pushing for action to get more women into top jobs at the same time as the EU is proposing to introduce quotas to ensure up to 30% female representation on company Boards. Do we need this?

There are two presuppositions here, firstly that women want to get to the top and secondly that they are able to. No-one doubts that there are many highly motivated clever females in the workplace with the skills, experience, knowledge, ability and desire to excel. What might have been overlooked is that a significant cultural shift needs to take place in order for those women to move up the career ladder and into the boardroom. At present the work culture in large organisations is one of long working hours, heavy work loads, rigid routines and high expectations of an employee’s ability to drop everything and be available for schmoozing clients out of hours, attending ‘drop of the hat’ business meetings and generally being on call at all times. This is not always compatible with the demands on many women outside the workplace.

Many of these excellent women find it easier and more attractive to fulfil their ambitions by finding a more flexible entrepreneurial working environment, perhaps in a dynamic smaller company or by starting their own business where they can structure their working life around family, children and other commitments. They also favour sectors where they can work collaboratively and within teams, as evidenced by Anna Fels in her research on how ambitious women are [1]. She found that women also tend to direct their ambition in to supportive roles and ones where they can work with other women and that they perform well with a variety of goals.

We know about the glass ceiling culture in boardrooms and amongst senior management and we also have glass cliffs [2]- jobs women are promoted to which have less support and greater likelihood of possible failure.    Research suggests that women are more likely to be promoted to higher positions when their organisation is facing crises [3] and that this is when they have the opportunity to break through the glass ceiling. This has a silver lining as the researchers go on to say that as more women enter higher level management roles “ female leaders won’t be selected primarily for risky turnarounds – and will get more chances to run organisations that have good odds of continued success.”

There are three steps to effecting the necessary cultural shift to get women into leadership positions that do not involve legislating:
•    Step one is changing the way women work and the way their working environment is structured.
•    Step two is allowing women to openly embrace being ambitious and to not be in a conflicting relationship with their ambition to succeed and excel.
•    Step three is to recognise women’s ability, promoting through merit, not through legislation.

As Anna Bird, acting CEO of the Fawcett Society said recently “Outdated stereotypes about men’s and women’s role have an insidious effect on cultural attitudes about who should do which jobs”. Time for some new thinking....

[1] Anna Fels - Do Women Lack Ambition? Harvard Business Review
[2] Ryan, M. K., & Haslam, S. A. (2005). The glass cliff: Evidence that women that women are over-represented in precarious leadership positions. British Journal of Management, 16, 81-90 . (abstract)]
[3] Susanne Bruckmuller and Nyla R Branscombe Harvard Business Review. Hbr.org/2011/01/how-women-end-up-on-the-glass-cliff/ar/1

Vision and Dreams

2011-02-03T18:22:00.000Z

‘Inspirational’ – a much touted word these days. We hear about people who have done remarkable things in the face of adversity, from unbelievable physical achievements to astonishing feats of endurance. Perhaps we personally don’t particularly want to climb a mountain or trek through the Sahara. However we do want to achieve ‘stuff’.

What these amazingly inspirational people have in common behind all these physical achievements, is a particular mental attitude and self-belief, a mind-set where they are able to believe in not just the possibility, but the actuality of they themselves doing and achieving certain things.

Most of us go through life with a reasonable self-knowledge and some idea of what we believe we are capable of. But we tend to avoid what we think we won’t ‘do well’ at because of our perception of our life situation and abilities. So how do we move towards the approach adopted by those inspirational speakers?

As kids we do a lot of big stuff without thinking – learning to walk, to speak a language, to try new experiences, climb trees, explore places, take risks, be curious and ingenious. And so our world grows, but as we get older we become less adventurous, more circumspect, we build defences and boundaries. Basically we become more realistic. This is good, and sensible. But it should not stop us from venturing into new areas and it should not take away that drive to move forward that is innate in us all as children.

A sense of realism is necessary to achieve what we really want. But we also need to have vision and passion, dreams and aspirations, to know we can turn our dreams into reality.
“To accomplish great things we must not only act, but also dream, not only plan but believe”. Anatole France

If we accept this dreaming into our lives we are then expecting the positive and if we expect the positive, energy flows and things happen, our self-belief grows and we become achievers.

Britain needs your help to grow again

2011-01-12T12:38:00.001Z

A YouGov online poll of business leaders found that 70% of them attribute a lack of entrepreneurial experience amongst educators as a major reason for youngsters not making their business ideas a reality. (YouGovStone Ltd)

As the economy starts to pull itself out of recession, the Government is placing great emphasis on our young people’s energy and ideas to help to grow the economy, create new jobs and take us towards a prosperous future. Yet without training, how can they stand a chance. The government and your country need your help.

Building confidence to start their own successful business

More than 50% of young people say they would like to start up their own business but less than 1% actually do. Statistics show that good enterprise education would double that percentage.

Just starting a business will not be enough. A large percentage of new businesses fail. So we also need to teach our young people how to turn their business ideas into vibrant, profitable, successful businesses.

Enterprise Students are taught how to build successful businesses:

They learn how to:

· Work out what they really want to do

· Present themselves well

· Lead effectively

· Manage challenge

· Handle finances

· Turn their idea into a viable business

Enterprise Training stops young people from falling into long term employment.

The CMI believes teaching students business skills is the way forward. As part of its Manifesto for a Better Britain, the CMI states:

“We support efforts to prevent a generation of young people from falling into long term unemployment.....Equipping school and university leavers with skills that employers need will be vital for future economic growth." (1)

The DCSF paper “Guidance for Commissioning and Funding Education Business Partnership Services in 2010- 11" (2) states that Work Related Learning (WRL) opportunities

“can include multiple, shorter duration work experience placements and work tasters with different employers, projects linked to a relevant part of the school curriculum based on real issues faced by employers, workplace visits, talks by employers explaining the world of work, business mentoring programmes, competitions and enterprise education activities.” The choice is yours.

The fact is, enterprise education is so important. With it students who cannot see employment opportunities are setting up successful businesses and those who want to work for someone else, are winning employment far more easily.

The YES 12 Steps to Success programme delivers exactly what the Government, CMI and WRL are calling for. What is more, it will give your young people the best opportunity to be in the exactly the right place for the future! Without it, they just do not have the training to deliver the growth our country needs.

(1) Petra Wilson, Director of Policy and Research, CMI

(2) www.teachnet.gov.uk/publications Search ref:DCSF - 01144-2009

Funding for Enterprise Education is no longer a barrier

2010-12-09T13:46:00.000Z

With the government calling for young people to be trained in Enterprise Education- in order to drive economic growth, there is need for urgent action! Yet with already overburdened budgets, where can you get the funding?

Funding Help is at hand!
Until March 2011 £15 million has been made available for Enterprise Education in Primary Schools and Further Education colleges. This money is for the:
“delivery of enterprise education through Enterprise Learning Partnerships, the London 2012 Education Programme and Young Chamber UK.” (1)

This is on top of the existing £55 million, which is already allocated to secondary schools.

In the Higher Education sector:
“there will be a £2 million expansion of the National Council for Graduate Entrepreneurship’s (NCGE) “Flying Start” programmes to support current students and recent graduates to set up their own businesses. In 2010/11, these programmes will be made available in all English universities.” (1)

So funding is not a barrier to schools and colleges providing valuable enterprise projects and programmes. The government is providing funding for enterprise- for these educational organisations to use as they think best.

The Future is Bright
What is more, it looks like this funding is set to continue. The DCSF paper “Guidance for Commissioning and Funding Education Business Partnership Services in 2010-11” states:
“The National Council for Education Excellence recommended that the Government and local authorities should ensure that there is universal access to high quality education business brokerage in every area.”(2)

Why choose the Yes 12 Step Programme?
There are many providers of Enterprise training out there. The Yes 12 Step programme is very different. It starts with the students- helping them to work out what they really want to do, building their confidence and then helping them to make their dream a reality. What a wonderful gift to give our students.

What is more, by offering the YES programme students cannot lose - because they will be learning the skills and mindsets they require to set up their own business or t get a good job.

1.www.bis.gov.uk/assets/.../budget2010-supporting-young-entrepreneurs.doc
2.www.teachernet.gov.uk/publications, Search Ref:DCSF-01144-2009

THE DYMAXION MAP

2010-11-09T13:07:00.000Z

Yes to the 12 Steps to Success

2010-10-09T20:27:00.000+01:00

Wow, what a great week at Wiltshire Council with the young group from the Future Jobs Fund. Well, I was only there for half the week but it was energising to see the 12 Steps to Success being so well assimilated.

And what a shame that the Future Jobs Fund is not open to new applications any longer. Just as well we have the 12 Steps to Success ready to take into schools and colleges to help people in that most important of decisions - what to do with their lives. There is so much entrepreneurial potential in our young people and we only need to allow them the opportunity to test it out, explore their possibilities and passions and build independence for them to start out on their own, either in business or in their future career.

Well done and all the best to Alexis, Nathan, James, David, Chris, Sara, Ryan and Fatna. It was a privilege to work with you all!

YES YES YES

2010-09-07T10:57:00.000+01:00

YES – A brilliant name for a unique enterprise project which is being offered to schools to create successful learners through developing entrepreneurial capability in children and young people. The programme is called The 12 Steps to Success and is an easy to follow series of steps with a fun and interactive learning style encompassing different entrepreneurial and personal development subjects. It incorporates goal setting, confidence building and dealing with rejection as well as developing business ideas and making your ideas happen.

It was devised by Carly Ward, a young person who experienced first hand how difficult it is to decide on what to do with oneself after leaving school or college and the vision behind it is to nurture the fresh talent, ideas and energy of the emerging youth of today.

The project has been accepted into schools in Buckinghamshire and Princes Risborough School are using the programme "to provide our pupils with a better insight into their own capabilities and exploring ideas which might lead to business opportunities in the future" (Sue Collings - Deputy Head Teacher).

Other interest has been expressed by Wiltshire Council who are funding the programme to be delivered in workshops, Bedfordshire Central Council who are taking it into a youth centre for Connexions clients, Befordshire & Luton Education Business Partnership have booked training and are looking at subsidising 12 schools for the programme, and Buckinghamshire Economic & Learning Partnership who have accepted the programme suppliers in to the school curriculum as an Enterprise provider. Buckinghamshire have offered every school a Connexions adviser to run the programme over 12 weeks. As you can see there has been a lot of interest!

Each of the 12 Steps includes an interview with a top entrepreneur including Richard Harpin, chief executive of Home Serve, Mike Clare, the founder of beds giant Dreams, tycoon Julie Meyer and Dragons' Den survivor Levi Roots. The interactive learning experience includes a video presentation, workbook and suggested reading for each step. And after the programme, the young people can go on to join the YES network which provides a fantastic support resource sharing ideas and experiences, meeting regularly and continuing the learning curve.

The programme sits neatly with the government’s current focus on building economic growth through encouraging entrepreneurs and high growth business start ups. Why not support the natural creativity and drive of our young people at a stage when their ideas could be the basis for their futures!

SPIRAL DYNAMICS - A VALUES TOOL

2010-08-03T19:10:00.002+01:00

Throughout our adult life we are seeking the particular way of life by which we wish to live. This search takes us through different levels, but the quest is never ending as each stage leads to another and as we travel we realise there is no final stage to aspire to but rather we change our psychology and rules to adapt to that new search and style of living.

Spiral Dynamics is a theory of human development propounded by Don Beck and Chris Cowan and based on the work of Dr Clare W Graves, professor of psychology at Union College New York and specialist in the theory of personality.

Grave’s psychological levels (vMemes) included:
Biege AN - Automatic psychological satisfaction
Purple BO – Safe mode of living
Red CP – Search for power and glory
Blue DQ – Search for peace
Orange ER – Search for material pleasure
Grey FS – Search for affectionate relations
Yellow GT – Search for respect for self
Turquoise HU – Search for peace in an incomprehensible world
(The colours were added later for ease of labelling).

Graves depicted these levels in a Spiral Vortex (like a double helix) showing how they evolved through levels of increasing complexity. The upward turns depict the adding of new behaviours and rules on top of what already exists. The spiral represents a coiled string of value systems, attitudes and views on our world which are each the product of the particular circumstances we are in at a given time – thus our mind develops as our world changes.

We can use Spiral Dynamics to help us understand individuals by understanding their particular thinking and behavioural type while they are at a particular level in particular conditions. So don’t ask about the type of person, ask instead how to understand or manage for example, the GT part of the person, i.e. the seeking of respect for self in this person at this particular time?

Grave’s levels of psychological existence are termed vMemes (these structure how we think about things) and can be thought of as valuing systems that impact our life choices and can manifest both in healthy and unhealthy forms. Changing life conditions activate vMemes which come in phases ebbing and flowing. They exist together in mixtures, so you could have a person who is essentially in the FS phase of seeking affectionate relations whose CP search for power and glory might be activated in the competition of sports and whose ER search for material pleasure might be found in achieving well in those sports.

Grave’s model is a useful tool for assessing personal values showing how we utilise different values at different times when some levels acquire pre-eminence over others while not destroying those less dominant values which can then re-emerge in different contextual situations.
For more information visit www.clarewgraves.com

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE AT WORK

2010-07-06T20:00:00.000+01:00

Emotional Intelligence at work – do we need it?

Psychologies magazine carried two articles recently, one about ‘Why it pays to be tough at work’, the other about making your relationship work. The first article expressed the view that being too empathic at work did not help you succeed in your career or business. The second article pursued the idea that the secret of a good sex life lay in using your emotional intelligence.

Which way forward then? Do we need to use our emotional intelligence, and what is it?

Emotional Intelligence first came to prominence in the mid 1990’s although discussion of other types of intelligence had been around for some time before this. In his book ‘Emotional Intelligence – Why it can matter more than IQ’, Daniel Goleman expounded the idea that non-cognitive skills were as important as IQ intelligence for succeeding in the workplace. There is still a buoyant discussion in the field of EI but to keep things simple here are some of the better known models:

1. The Mayer-Salovey Ability Model – where EI is the ability to understand and regulate our own emotions and those of others, and to assess and manage this understanding so as to guide the way we think and act.
2. Goleman’s Emotional Competencies Model – personal and social competencies including self-awareness, self-management, adaptability, social awareness, empathy, social skills, and communication among others.
3. The Trait Model – which is about our own perceptions of our emotional abilities.

So do we need to be emotionally intelligent, and if so when? Have a look at these contrasting opinions...

 Bill Amelio, the CEO of Lenovo said that managers ought to allow more silences in cross-cultural meetings to enable proper translation and understanding of what is said.
 A study conducted at the University of Bedfordshire indicated that “trainee social workers who were more emotionally intelligent and socially competent were more resilient, and this seemed to protect them from the high levels of psychological distress that are endemic in the job."
But...
 John Moulton said in an interview that one of his best features was "..insensitivity – it lets you sleep when others can't". John made millions as a venture capitalist despite major fall outs with colleagues along the way.
 “Men still dominate in every boardroom. The reality is that, at senior levels in highly competitive organisations, life is tough, demanding and often mercenary. You need to be ruthless to survive.” Katie Hopkins, former contestant on The Apprentice.

Nobody would argue that having good communication skills and being able to understand and process someone else’s viewpoint are not essentials of good management. But the debate continues. Here are some thoughts to take with you.
1. Use your powers of observation and awareness to notice how your colleagues interact and note the effective behaviours – these are the ones you can model.
2. If something upsets you at work, temper your reaction until you have time to moderate your response. Avoid acting rashly or being over-emotional – don’t fire off a first draft of a ranting email in response to something that riles you; wait a bit, read it again and then consider the message you really want to put across.
3. Don’t over-analyse, either yourself of others. Concentrate on what you do well and make that your focus.
4. Acknowledge your own and others’ achievements fairly, without being excessive or overly familiar.
5. Steer a neat path between being ‘nice-as-pie’ and the ‘dragon’. Address people by name, smile and listen properly as appropriate.
6. Handle challenges head-on even if you are afraid. Running for cover won’t make them go away.
7. Be yourself and feel good about it.

TEAM UPDATE

2010-06-29T11:56:00.003+01:00

The Swindon Coaching Team next meet up at Swindon Connections on Thursday 8th July at the Madison Hotelin Swindon. Be there to meet some interesting people!

SWINDON COACHING TEAM - Next Drop-in session

2010-06-08T10:35:00.000+01:00

Our next free drop in coaching evening is going to be on 1st July at a yet to be decided on venue in Swindon. It would be interesting to get feedback on what the preferred good bars are for Swindonians...post your views if you have some good suggestions.

STRESS AND SANDWICH WOMEN

2010-05-20T10:45:00.002+01:00

Stress and Sandwich Women

At an evening networking meeting not so long ago I was talking to a bank manager about the stresses people were experiencing as a result of the recession and how hard we were all having to work to make ends meet. He bemoaned his long day which had started with a breakfast meeting and would finish when he got home at about 8pm. Happy man! My day had also started early, 6.30 to be precise, preparing breakfast, getting my son off to school (making lunchbox, checking games kit etc), fitting in some rushed cleaning and house-tidying, flinging some clothes in the washing machine before heading off to start work at 8.30. Into my working day I squeezed minor but essential tasks – renewing the car tax, calling the vet, checking in with older children who are both at university and quite a lot of other stuff, and then a visit to my very frail, housebound elderly parents-in-law. And my day was going to end not at 8pm after the meeting, but after I had spent some time with my son talking about his day, homework etc, hanging out the washing and clearing up the supper dishes – oh, and getting ready for the next day. A typical day in the life of a middle-aged woman!

In 1981, Dorothy Miller coined the term “sandwich generation” to refer to those middle-aged people who find themselves supporting both young and older family members. Crucially her definition stated that the sandwich generation did not receive reciprocal support from the people they cared for. And in 1998 research by Maaike Dautzenberg and others pointed out that most of these intergenerational caregivers were “often women dealing with the complex role configurations of wife, mother, daughter, caregiver, and employee”.

So a big welcome to all you Sandwich Women!
Most of us cope reasonably well with combining the demands of looking after those who rely on us and our work life pressures. But sometimes just trying to be ‘normal’ about it all can be just too hard. Marian Keyes blogged about her depression earlier this year and the Daily Mail columnist Allison Pearson shared her experiences in the Daily Mail under the heading “Depression's the curse of my generation and I'm struggling in its grasp”.
The Health & Safety Executive has a big push on at the moment around stress, depression and anxiety in the workplace, which is just one of the arenas inhabited by the sandwich woman. What would be really good is to know that there is support and help in the other areas of our lives. But part of our problem lies in the fact that we sandwich women facilitate the lives of our dependants so well that in a way we are disempowering them from taking a part in our own welfare. So perhaps we might step back and review just how much of what we do we might be able to devolve or delegate. In my case, as a widow with no husband to share the load, I share the care of my elderly parents-in-law with a close family friend. Without her input my intergenerational care load would be unbearably heavy.

With so many roles you might have as a carer, supporter, breadwinner, facilitator, not to mention all the secondary ones like driver, cleaner, receptionist, cook, etc, if you feel overwhelmed, under resourced and lacking in support this can so easily lead to feelings of tiredness, lethargy, lack of motivation, anxiety, indecision or loss of appetite and insomnia. These are just some of the things that could flag up the onset of depression and the effects of stress. Before you get here try to put in place some safety valves, talk to someone, look for support, explore options of what you could say no to without increasing your stress levels. And try some simple techniques like meditation and deep breathing to get some space and give you some minutes to yourself.

BE MINDFUL - BE VERY MINDFUL...

2010-04-06T19:02:00.000+01:00

Mindfulness techniques

Mindfulness, meditation, awareness – what’s the difference?

Mindfulness is present awareness and mindful meditation is distinct from concentration meditation, where we focus concentration on a particular object. Mindfulness in everyday life is about being aware of how we are in the present moment, and in mindful meditation every aspect of our experience is welcomed and acknowledged and we are able to know it is there without it being judged or assessed as defining us as individuals.

Studies of mindfulness in a business context have shown that increases in mindfulness are associated with increased creativity and decreased burnout (e.g., Langer, Heffernan, & Kiester, 1988). A study with businessmen in Korea found an increase in productivity as well (Park, 1990).

Studies in the education field presented in The Power of Mindful Learning (Langer, 1997) show that increasing mindfulness in learning, be it academic subjects, sport or music, encouraged participants to use objects more creatively and move away from mindsets that hamper competence in learning. One study demonstrated that telling people to mindfully notice new stimuli improved attention and memory.

So here are some techniques for trying to increase your mindfulness....

1. RAIN – (Tara Brach – Radical Acceptance)

R – Recognise when you feel a strong emotion
A – Acceptance – acknowledge the emotion to be there
I – Investigate the feeling deeply, how it affects your body, feelings and thoughts
N – Non-identify what is there by seeing that it is a passing emotion or state of mind and does not define who you are.

2. STOP – (Elisha Goldstein – A Mindfulness Stress Reduction Workbook)

S – Stop what you are doing.
T – Take a breath – concentrate on breathing in and out naturally.
O – Observe what you are feeling and thinking. Name your emotions. Acknowledge your thoughts and let them pass on.
P – Proceed with something that will help you at that time, i.e. continue deep breathing to aid relaxation, talk with a friend, go for a walk.

3. What are you doing?

Start focusing on how you do particular things. When you are driving how are you sitting, how are you holding the steering wheel, what are you observing, what are you thinking?

What happens when you are eating – are you savouring each mouthful, what are you tasting? Are you eating quickly? How are you sitting?

Practice being more aware of ‘how you are’ when doing normal or habitual activities to build mindfulness of ‘how you are’ in your life generally.

4. Breathing

Breathing is central to your mindfulness practice. Breathing can undo the tensions created by inner emotions, relax stresses and restore balance.

Start by noticing your breathing, put a count on it – how many counts to the in-breath and how many counts to the out-breath. Is there a pause between breathing in and breathing out? Establish a comfortable count, say 4 in and 4 out. Then add a little pause between the in and out breaths, say a count of 2. Experiment with other counts, try a pause after the out-breath. On the out-breath feel your abdomen rising and then your chest . Let your breathing be soft and gentle and natural.

.....or try a mindfulness meditation class or a yoga class...

Women are 'web thinkers'....

2010-03-14T18:35:00.000Z

Web thinking Women

Every day women juggle their different ‘jobs’ and duties and manage to do several different things at the same time. Or so it seems. ‘Multi-tasking’ is our strength. It’s interesting that the BT ad on TV has Kris Marshall (from My Family)calling his mother while walking/cooking/etc. That’s usually the woman’s role.

Studies say that what we are actually doing is swapping between contexts. Some research suggests that this is not necessarily a good thing in that it we are not really concentrating properly on any one task. Linda Stone, a writer who worked at Apple Computer, coined the term ‘Continuous Partial Attention’ to describe this type of information processing.

"It usually involves skimming the surface of the incoming data, picking out the relevant details, and moving on to the next stream. You're paying attention, but only partially.

Harold Paschler said that we can perform some tasks simultaneously without difficulty e.g. we can regulate sensory input while performing information retrieval, however in trying to perform more difficult tasks at the same time we lose effectiveness in processing these tasks.

But we women know we really are effective! Helen Fisher in her book The First Sex explained how women are more able to think contextually and can tolerate ambiguity better. She theorises that women are able to consider more variables, options and outcomes when decision making and finds that this is most obvious in an office environment. Women pick up on little nuances and non-verbal cues, object positions, body postures and so on and use this absorbed information to help them in their decision making.

Helen Fisher calls this ‘web-thinking’ where women have a broader perspective in their way of processing information that enables them to integrate lots of different facts, rapidly retrieve and selectively analyse these and plan the next step accordingly.

So next time a ‘step-thinking’ man challenges your ability to think clearly, remind him that you can take in a lot of information quickly, rapidly recall the bits that matter and use them effectively!

________________________________________

Harold Paschler – Dual-Task Interference in Simple Tasks: Data and Theory Psychological Bulletin 1994 Vol. 116 No 2 220-244
Helen Fisher - The Natural Talents of Women and How They Are Changing the World

Somewhere you want to be on 23rd March 2010 . . .

2010-03-03T08:25:00.001Z

Somewhere you want to be on 23rd March 2010 is the Old Bank Wine Bar in Wood Street, Old Town, Swindon. The newly formed Swindon Coaching Team are hosting their first FREE drop-in evening so for the cost of a coffee or a glass of wine you can come along and meet some great coaches, find out about coaching and try it out.

The Team coaches come from a wide range of backgrounds and have a diversity of skills and expertise ranging from business and career coaching to psychotherapeutic and relationship coaching. We are a very friendly and inspiring group - and look forward to seeing you there!

Train to Gain Funding & TFT

2009-09-23T12:06:00.006+01:00

This month an introduction to a fascinating new energy psychology method, Thought Field Therapy and also details of Yourcoaching's involvement with Train to Gain funding.

Introducing TFT

Having a quick self help technique to use when we are feeling tense and anxious about something, perhaps an impending exam or presentation, a difficult meeting or a public performance, can really make a difference for how we deal with that situation. TFT is such a technique and this month you can read about how beneficial it is and how it works.

Thought Field Therapy (TFT) is as a non-invasive treatment used to eliminate the cause of negative emotions. It was founded and developed by Doctor Roger Callahan, a clinical psychologist who began his discoveries with sensory-based observations of actual phenomena treating patients with anxieties and phobias.

The treatment works by tapping with the fingertips to stimulate certain meridian energy points in the body. This is done while the patient is ‘tuned in’ to their problem. The negative emotions giving rise to the particular issue lie in the disruption of the body’s energy system, so by tapping on the meridian points in a particular sequence, the energy is redirected.

Dr Callahan devised a menu of tapping sequences relevant to different emotional problems including anxiety, phobia, obsessive compulsive disorder and trauma.

The great thing about TFT is it can be used to help enhance performance and the rapid elimination of panic or high anxiety associated with high stress situations. Learning how to ‘self-tap’ is a superb tool for countering exam nerves, anxiety over public speaking and presentations, or sporting performance ‘block’.

TFT has been used to provide trauma relief in the USA, Mexico and Africa, helping people use techniques that do not require long term therapy. For more information visit www.atftfoundation.org.

Step Into Your Personal Power – Workshop 18th October 2009 10am – 4pm

For those of you who want to claim your ‘self’ and realise your real potential in a realistic way, this is the workshop for you. Take a reality check, work on your strengths and build foundations for change and personal growth.

To sign up for this workshop at the Wellbeing Clinic, 6 London Road, Marlborough SN8 1PH call 01672 513583 or 01672 861565 or log on to www.thelondonroadwellbeingclinic.co.uk. Places are limited so booking is essential.

Wellbeing Clinic

In my capacity as in-house coach for the Wellbeing Clinic in Marlborough, on 11th September Jill Sudbury, proprietor of the Clinic, and I helped facilitate at a Mental Health and Wellbeing seminar at the Wiltshire Constabulary headquarters. The seminar aimed at raising awareness of mental health issues and the various types of help and resources available to support sufferers. The event was well attended, very informative and thought provoking with a stimulating program of talks and activities covering occupational health, counselling and complementary treatments. A very forward thinking and progressive event organised by Wendy at the Constabulary.

Train to Gain

Yourcoaching has been offering Train to Gain leadership and development programs for some time and this is such a valuable resource available to small businesses that we have given a little reminder of it here. Summer is a good time for businesses to review their progress and growth plans and take advantage of what is out there to help deal with issues and grow the business. You can also run through our Quick Business Diagnostic Tool.

A little more information on the Train to Gain grants available for businesses:

This Government funded project is aimed at businesses for leadership and management development to help businesses:
Boost efficiency
Increase performance and profits
Enhance staff motivation and confidence.

The funding available consists of a £500 grant and a further £500 on a match funding basis.

To be eligible the following criteria apply:
You employ between 5 and 249 full time equivalent staff
You will undertake a skills review to confirm your requirements
The program must be leadership and management related
The training must be paid for, started and your claim submitted within three months of your meeting with the adviser from Train to Gain
If you would like more information please just get in touch and we will help you access your
Train to Gain funding and tailor the right program for you.

www.businesslink.gov.uk/southwest/leadershipandmanagement

We hope you enjoyed this month’s newsletter, please click here to send us your feedback.

Goals & Goal Setting

2009-09-01T09:00:00.005+01:00

This month we thought we would go back to the basis of coaching and look at Goals and Goal Setting, what kind of goals we should set ourselves, whether they should be simple or difficult, and how relevant they need to be.

And part of goal setting is obviously that old chestnut….motivation. We look at a study in Six Motivational Moves below which compares perceptions of motivation by staff and their employers, it throws up some interesting results for the workplace!

Goal Setting

Coaching is all about setting clear goals which are realistic and achievable.

One story which crops up frequently in relation to setting goals is the 1953 Yale Goals Study. This purportedly researched Yale’s graduating seniors to find out how many had made specific goals about their future and what happened to them. Apparently twenty years later when these seniors were checked, the researchers found that the 3% who had made clear written goals had made massively more money than that other 97% put together.

The only problem with this story is that it is not proven, and there is question as to whether the study actually existed!

However other studies do show that setting goals is a really good thing. In his studies (1961 and 1968) Edwin Locke researched the goal as the most important part of motivation and performance finding that task performance depends on goal commitment, particularly if there were appropriate rewards, support and encouragement and sufficient ability. Also, setting easy to fulfil goals is less likely to increase task performance. Telling someone to ‘try harder’ or ‘do better’ is not as effective as setting a specific goal e.g. ‘increase your targets this month by 40%’ – the latter more difficult goal, if achieved even partially, gives greater satisfaction and greater task performance.

So….here we are at SMART goals, ones which are…
S...Specific
M...Measurable
A...Achievable
R...Realistic
T...Time defined.

Bearing in mind Locke’s arguments, you might also want to make your goals a bit more difficult. AND, for goals to work properly for you there has to be the following:
Commitment – you need to be committed to achieving the goal
Challenge – you don’t want to get bored half way through!
Clarity – to ensure you don’t muddle your direction or scope in the pursuit of your goal.
Ability – you need to have the basic ability to get to that goal.
So enjoy your goal setting!

Get your Child Going!

A reminder to sign up for this stimulating workshop around ideas for motivating your children. For all those parents, teachers or others who are involved with children and are looking for ways to help them to do well and enjoy their lives. The 3 hour workshop will look at issues children face today and how we can encourage them on the path to independent thinking.

The workshop takes place on 3rd October at The Wellbeing Clinic, 6 London Road, Marlborough, SN8 1PH. Places are limited so book early by calling 01672 513583 or 01672 861565 or log on to www.thelondonroadwellbeingclinic.co.uk.

Six Motivational Moves

It appears there is a discrepancy between what managers believe their employees want at work and what those employees actually want.

In a fascinating study carried out in 1995 K A Kovach showed that although employees valued ‘interesting work’ as the most important thing about their work, their managers thought that they would value good pay more. The table below showing what employees and managers ranked in order of importance makes interesting reading:

Employee
1. Interesting work
2. Full appreciation of work done
3. Feelings of being in on things
4. Job security
5. Good pay
6. Promotion and growth
7. Good working conditions
8. Personal loyalty to employees
9. Tactful discipline
10. Sympathetic help with personal problems.

Manager
1. Good wages
2. Job security
3. Promotion and growth
4. Good working conditions
5. Interesting work
6. Personal loyalty to employees
7. Tactful discipline
8. Full appreciation of work done
9. Sympathetic help with personal problems
10. Feeling of being in on things.

Maybe we need to sit back and take a fresh look at what are the underlying motivators in the workplace.

We also need to bear in mind some important points when we are looking to set goals for others. These Six Moves for Managing Motivation -

1. Remember that people change
2. Be aware that people don’t always think the way you do or want the things you want.
3. We need to allow people to develop.
4. Ensuring a sense of achievement is paramount.
5. Building in rewards is equally important.
6. It is essential to set clear and challenging goals.

We hope you enjoyed this month’s newsletter, please click here to send us your feedback.

How to be a Successful Communicator - Part Two

2009-08-01T09:00:00.003+01:00

Following on from last month welcome to Part 2 of our mini series “How to be a successful communicator”.

“The complexities of motivation and behaviour in the sender meet the equal complexities of perception and motivation in the receiver” (John E. Schneider – Ohio State University)

Whatever the statistics, if you are more confident and positive you are likely to get a much more successful outcome, whether it be when you meet someone new, you are giving a presentation or having an interview. When two people connect, change happens.

Consider how you communicate – look at the questions and decide which is most like you, then have a look at our tips

1. Do you
a. allow time for the other person to articulate their attitudes and feelings?
b. jump in with your response or opinion before they are finished?

Tip 1 – To help you from stampeding in what you have to say, repeat in your head to yourself what they have said before you say your piece. This reinforces the relevance of what you have to say to what they have said which shows you are listening, and prevents you from cutting them off.

2. Are you
a. focusing on solutions or
b. looking to judge and criticise?

Tip 2 – If you have a tendency to nitpick or constantly contradict what someone says, try putting yourself in their position so you see things from their perspective. Do you really understand what the other person was trying to say?

Now a couple of extra tips

1. Try this next time you talk to someone:
Listen to what they say and before you reply, say”…I understand what you were saying is…….(and repeat back to them what they said) before you offer your reply.

2. Before you meet someone new at an event be it work or social, have in mind four bits of information you want to come away with about that person. When you finish your interaction, mentally remind yourself what those bits of information were and whether you got the answers.

3. Count to 5 after the other person finishes speaking before you say your piece (see if anyone else jumps in!)

4. Take away 3 visual pictures of the person when you leave, e.g. how they were standing, what they wore, whether they blinked a lot, what was the tone of voice etc.

And here’s a good game to play quietly on your own

When you next find yourself sitting on the underground, waiting for a plane, sitting in a café or killing time watching a group of people, look at your fellow passengers/diners/passers by and think of the most unlikely occupation they could have that would be so unexpected in view of what they look like and what they are wearing. So a pin-stripe suited city gent type could be the lead singer of a punk rock band. Stereotyping can frequently determine how we relate to people, so buck the trend, let your imagination go and you’ll find yourself smiling!

GWE Business West

I am delighted to be working as a mentor again on the new Adapt to Survive program, having worked with GWE Business West on previous mentoring projects.

GWE Business West has secured funding for a new business support programme to be delivered in the South West. Adapt to Survive is aimed at small to medium sized businesses that fit certain criteria and includes workshops and mentoring. The workshops are free and designed to be interactive and each attendee takes away a ‘Work Smarter Action Plan’ which is built around their specific needs. Mentors provide after workshop support in completing the plans and there is also voucher funding available to put towards specialist advice incurred in the carrying out of the plan.

Contact us for further information or log on to www.gwebusinesswest.co.uk

Marlborough Counselling Service

There are many types of counselling from Gestalt through to Interactive and everything in-between! The Marlborough School of Counselling is a group of dedicated counsellors from various disciplines who offer services including psychotherapy, traditional counselling, addiction therapy, CBT, supervision, coaching and more. Using a variety of techniques from play therapy to visualisation and hypnotherapy, the practitioners can help alleviate many issues including stress and depression, bereavement and phobias.

The Marlborough Counselling Service is available on 01672 513583 and your call will be treated with care and discretion.

Summer Fun!

Where is the summer? We’ve been waiting for it for a while! We needed a bit of TLC after all this bad weather. And we had a bit of it at Marlborough Town Hall when the Wellbeing Clinic therapists gave some seriously good vibes via massage and other treatments at the NCT Pamper Evening. The therapists were fully booked, and no wonder! A great way to feel summer’s touch.

We hope you enjoy this months’s newsletter, please do send us your feedback.

How to be a Successful Communicator – Part One

2009-07-01T09:00:00.008+01:00

Find out what messages you might be unwittingly conveying and what your personal communication mode is in the first part of our two part mini series ‘How to be a successful communicator’.

Messages are communicated not just by words, but by tone, volume, posture, gesture and eye movement.

Have you ever found yourself saying completely the opposite of what you want to say? How about when you know what you said, but the other person seems to have understood it completely differently?

Scientists have shown that non-verbal communication constitutes a large percentage of our social interaction, possibly as much as 93%. Albert Mehrabian (1972) claimed the face conveyed 55% of the information, the voice 38% and the words just 7%. Developing Mehrabia’s work Michael Argyle claimed non verbal channels were 12.5 times more powerful for conveying attitudes and feelings.

Consider how you communicate – look at the questions and decide which is most like you, then have a look at our tips:

1. How direct are you? Do you
a) ‘Small talk’ a lot before getting to the point
b) or are you Comfortable asking to-the-point questions such as “Why are you here?” or “What do you want to pay?”

TIP 1 - If you small talk and feel obliged to ‘gabble’, stop, take a breath and ask the other person a question.

2. Are your conversations
a) Very structured i.e. question/answer
b) or Can you ‘ad-lib’ if someone asks you something you might not be prepared for?

TIP 2 - If you tend to be thrown if the conversation is not structured and you would like to be more able to speak creatively, try to go ‘off-piste’ yourself; introduce more adjectives and description, offer an opinion followed by a question “ What do you think?” And….try to ask open questions that don’t shut down the conversation with a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ answer.

3. Do you feel obliged to solve other people’s problems that may not be material to you?
a) Yes
b) No

Tip 3 – Remember, people sometimes just want to ‘talk’ and may not be looking for your opinion about their problem. Offer a tentative solution prefaced with ‘You might consider…../I have a friend who tried…..’ If they do seem keen on your suggestions, great, if not, return to being a good listener.

Keep an eye out for Part Two in next month’s newsletter!

Clearing obstacles

Sometimes we start off towards our goals with great resolve and then hit an obstacle that makes us waiver and doubt our ability to move on. Here are two exercises to clear one of those irritating hurdles that you feel you can not get over in your path towards your goal. Doing both exercises will give you a really good understanding of your hurdle and how to get over it.

Exercise 1 - Seven Steps Onwards

1. Firstly ask yourself what is your hurdle and why is it stopping you achieving your goal.

2. Next, list what positive actions you can take to get over the hurdle. Include here the support and resources you have, e.g. who can help you, do you need financial support, do you need to do some research, etc.

3. Now think about times in the past when you may have encountered a similar hurdle, what did you do then that worked to help you move forward.

4. Then do a role reversal exercise: if you were your friend, what advice would you give yourself?

5. This step is only if you are really stuck and not quite over your hurdle: is there something you need to revise or review about your goal to make it still achievable in spite of this hurdle?

6. Now, take action! Do what you need to remove the hurdle using the steps above.

7. Finally, reward yourself for moving forward and overcoming the hurdle.

For an extra practice go to our ‘Free Useful Stuff’ page and do the “Getting through your Goal Obstacle Course” exercise.

We hope you enjoyed this month’s newsletter, please click here to send us your feedback.