Regrets

For those of you who missed this as it was reported a few weeks ago.....A recently published book written by a palliative care nurse has attracted huge interest in the press.  Bonnie Ware spoke to many dying patients and she wrote about the top 5 most commonly held regrets she heard:

    * I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
    * I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
    * I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
    * I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
    * I wish that I had let myself be happier.

We live in a world of shallowness and superficiality and yet we are worried about deep issues connected with making our lives meaningful and fulfilling.

"You are the only real obstacle in the path to a fulfilling life".  

Les Brown

"How soon 'not now' becomes 'never' "

Martin Luther

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain.

Sex and Getting On

Throwing up a few interesting questions to provoke a bit of debate:

Is it okay for Laura Maggi to wear revealing clothes to attract customers into her bar in Italy - much to the chagrin of her male customers' womenfolk? Her business has done rather well since she introduced the new dress code. 

What about Putin using his pecs to attract (presumably) the female vote? And in Australia a lot of men are surprisingly interested in applying for the job to test brothels?

Confusing moral issues?  Or just humans doing what they've always done to get ahead or get pleasure from their work!

Too many Aspirations

Do we aspire to too much?

Twenty or thirty years ago we didn't have so much to yearn for, we were more contented with what we had.  Now we have so much choice, so many options, how can we know when to stop wanting?  It's worth noting that we are prone to set goals, then when we reach them we pick up the goal posts we've set and run with them to a new point, without marking the achievement.

One option then to sort out this business of 'over-aspiring' - get some personal coaching!

And some other options:

1. Celebrate every goal you achieve in a recognisable manner and take time before setting new goals.
2. Surround yourself with the kind of people you need to support you in your journey towards a goal.  The more people you involve in your aspirations who are going to be there for you, the more recognition of your success you will have once you get there.
3. Do some work on identifying what it is you REALLY want to achieve in your life.  Getting a pay rise might buy you a flashier car, it might buy you more free time, it might buy you status...what did you want it to buy you?  Work that out and you might find out your true aspirations.  
4. Be optimistic but realistic about your aspirations.  Don't stop dreaming, just be aware of where you are on your path to them.

"The true worth of a man is to be measured by the objects he pursues"

Marcus Aurelius

Toughing it Out Gently

Last year we were told by a piece of NatCen research that we are taking more responsibility for our lives.  Today we are told that Britain has an 'integrity crisis' as we (especially the young) are less honest than we were 10 years ago.

To what do we owe this emerging 'dishonestly self-reliant' behaviour? How do these two facets merge?  The NatCen study inferred that we are becoming more self-reliant as a result of struggling with the recession and financial difficulties, feeling less able to trust those who make decisions for us i.e. the Government.  The author of the University of Essex study suggested that we were becoming more dishonest because we have poor role models.  Who are we talking about here?  Celebrities, footballers, politicians?

In any time of difficulty there is a tendency to build defences, to self-protect, to question and mistrust.  But there is also a welcome tendency amongst some of us towards selflessness and the general good, echo those who came out and joined together after the summer riots last year to clean up their neighbourhoods.

Whatever your lines of morality are about whether to keep the overpayment you receive from the shop cashier (does it depend on whether it is an independent or a chain?), keeping a perspective on how your actions affect others might be the issue.  Contextually it might make no sense at all to be rigidly honest and 'good' if someone is going to be hurt or damaged.  Mavis Cheek's heroine Nina Porter in her book 'Truth to Tell' comes a cropper with the truth.  On the other hand, truth and honesty are the basis of trust and that is what we need to feel sure of when we are battling adversity.  It seems this whole business about self-reliance and honesty is more about being understanding of others and how what we do affects them, as 'they' are our society and what happens to them affects us.  And sometimes we need to be able to trust those we don't know particularly well.

So..easy solution.  Roll up all you celebs and footballers and politicians and famous folk and dust down your behaviours and be seen to care about real stuff that matters!  Show us you've got the right perspective  and can add some social capital gloss!  After all, it's evident we can't seem to run our own lives without you!

Being 'nice' AGAIN...

It's official (again).  Being nice and agreeable doesn't pay.  We've been told that 'agreeable' people on average earn less promotions and pay-rises than  disagreeable people.  A year ago I blogged about Martin Kihn's "I got Rich and Happy by Not Giving a S*** About You'.  Seems nothing's changed....

No, no, no!  We are not taking that sitting down. It isn't 'niceness', it's how good you are at putting your case or fighting for your promotion/pay rise/right to reply etc.  So it's really about being STRONG.  Heed that!

Faithfulness in a recession

Omar Gilith at the University of Kansas says that men seek more mates in a threatening environment just in case they need to keep their options open in a biological drive for survival.  

Helen Fisher said that women's excellent 'web thinking' developed in response to our female ancestors having to contend with a myriad of threats while rearing children in a dangerous environment.

So which would you rather have to cope with in a recession, your philandering man telling you he is playing away for survival or your multi-tasking lady telling you that she is protecting her offspring?  (Oh, and by the way apparently women are better able to tolerate ambiguity....)

Get some balance in your life! 

 

What now the youth of today?

Dame Joan Bakewell says Sunday School will do it, learned professors say improving the standard of children's handwriting lessons at school would help, and other erudite professionals say the blame lies with too much digital technology time.....make our children better people, that is.

It seems we overindulge our kids, we don't spend enough quality time with them, don't instil a proper sense of discipline in them and we don't teach them respect.  Woe is the lot of the modern parent!  On the one hand we need to be like the ChineseTiger Mother Any Chua, on the other we should be like Laura Skenazy with her free range parenting.  Make your choice, and attend to George Bernard Shaw's dictum -

Parentage is a very important profession, but no test of fitness for it is ever imposed in the interest of the children.